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Continuing the Bluedevils’ dominance of ANU the cream of Belconnen’s ageing football talent turned up to a rain-soaked University of Canberra pitch last Sunday morning to deliver a footballing lesson to the men from ANU. For while the ANU team had their heads buried in the works of ancient Greek philosopher Socrates, the Bluedevil Boys took their inspiration from Brazil 1986 World Cup captain Socrates!
In the end all of life’s major questions where answered by the latter as the Bluedevils emerged, wet, cold and muddy but victorious 3 - 1. Indeed, so impressed were the academics they postulated the awarding of honorary degrees to the Belconnen boys at the next Conferring ceremony.
Both teams started the game knowing a loss would make it harder to achieve a top four finish and a shot at Masters Division 1 football glory. With this in mind the Bluedevils entrusted the Manager’s clipboard to Nigel ‘Ranter’ Tranter (PhD Screaming Studies), who promised a new regime of regular substitutions. The game was subsequently interrupted on a regular basis with the sidelined Ranter yelling at each player letting them know how long they had left on the pitch. It was a canny strategy which left the Bluedevils fresh for the second half, when the real battle would begin.
The going was tough for both teams with much poking and prodding in midfield at the outset. The Pillars of Hercules in the form of Steve ‘Held Together by Skins’ Holgate and Simon ‘Gandalf’ Mugford held the central defence together and ANU never really threatened goal in the first half. However, the normally strong and flowing Bluedevil play became patchy and the ugly default long ball was played a little too often, but there were instances of brilliance. For example, Matty ‘The Bull’ Lapworth’s pass to the Mighty ‘Kong’ Collins, to ‘The Silky One’ Cirino straight up the middle completely split the ANU midfield. Cirino then switched the ball wide to Jurgen ‘Doctor’ Dahl who carefully threaded the cross in to the feet of Mark ‘Clog’ van den Heuvel for the shot. Four passes from the defence and a shot! Brilliant but all too infrequent!
The choppy first half also saw the unfortunate assassination of Craig ‘JFK’ Russell’s hamstring. Striding beautifully down the right wing with the ball JFK’s hammy snapped just before he could cross the ball into the penalty area. A lone figure wearing a mortarboard and academic gown was seen running from the grassy knoll behind the pitch, slingshot in hand. JFK was quickly whisked away for treatment by the UC nursing students, now fully recovered from their frightening ordeal with Kong Collins a few weeks earlier.
The half came to a conclusion with an ANU free kick wide on the edge of the penalty area. Wiggle quickly drafted an attractive ‘request for tender’ for the construction of a defensive wall but there were no bidders from within the Bluedevil ranks. Not one! Nobody sought to address the rather simple criteria of standing in front of the ball before it was launched goalward! It not only left poor Wiggle exposed, it left him psychologically scarred, akin to the child who throws a party to which nobody shows. Fortunately the ANU forward decided to cross the ball rather than shoot and it was cleared to safety.
At halftime the boys shivered as the rain began to come down harder. The Mighty Kong Collins thundered that the game was there for the taking. The boys had expected to be up two or three goals and ANU had every right to consider themselves a strong chance. But unlike in recent weeks, the middle-aged maestros’ lifted for the second half and fought bravely to answer all questions the academics posed. Wiggle wore his brand new black goalkeeping jersey today and walked out towards the muddy puddle in the middle of his goal with thoughts of impending messy doom.
The second half test began with some brutal ANU attacking play which saw a zippy midfielder running at goal one on one with the Wiggle. But like a stealthy great white shark he slowly glided towards the attacker cutting down the angle before instantly reacting to the shot and with iron-like wrists (specifically strengthened with a special exercise regime) he turned the ball away for a corner. It was a turning point, had ANU gone a goal up heads may well have dropped.
Soon after a quick release to spritely Fiddy Reeves saw him play the ball down the right wing to Eddy ‘The Match’ D’Amico who produced the mother of all backheels to beat his man and play the ball into the penalty area where Doctor Dahl took a shot at goal. It missed, but the ball bounced to the Silky One who, deliberately using his instep to control the ball from some distance out, found the back of the net. Lesser players would simply have bashed the ball in panic.
With the goal came confidence and the Belconnen midfield stepped up a gear, Grant ‘Cube’ Hilpern very unlucky not to score, his genuine pace a sight to behold. Craig ‘Freckles’ Young similarly stepped up, controlling the midfield with strong defence and delicate passing. He did a superb job as defensive midfielder, taking over from the Mighty Kong Collins, who decided to stay on the sidelines and yell in unison with the Ranter. They then performed a frightening duet of Wagner’s ‘Twilight of the Bluedevils’.
The game took a turn for the better with the late arrival of Danny ‘West Ham’ Brosnan, who provided pace and attacking flair from the back. The second goal had its origins in one such Brosnan run down the left, linking with Doctor Dahl and eventually to the magical feet of the Silky One who scored again after a lovely run. 2-0 up and spirits were high. But the ANU men kept up with their Socratic method, continually asking questions of the Bluedevils Boys.
Wiggle was forced to save another one on one from ANU’s giant of a centre forward before distributing the ball wide for another attacking foray. Details are sketchy on the last goal, but suffice to say Silky got his hat-trick (but not the $200 adidas World Cup Jabulani matchball!). At 3-0 the Bluedevils thought they had done enough study to pass their test and became complacent, as evidenced by the collective moonwalking around the pitch. The end result was a sloppy toe-bashed goal to ANU. It was ugly but effective. And speaking of ugly, it was soon followed by a dreadful studs-up sliding tackle from an ANU forward to take out both West Ham Brosnan and Wiggle. Brosnan’s use of colourful language was an appropriate response to the unprovoked attack. But the damage had been done – Wiggle’s new jersey was filthy, as was he.
Back at the club afterwards the Boags flowed freely as Gandalf Mugford reflected on his time as a PE teacher at Canberra High in the early 1980’s – exactly the same time both Doctor Dahl and Wiggle had been there. Whilst preferring the Gandalf moniker, both must now refer to the wise defender simply as ‘Mr Mugford’.
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