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Resurrection of the Bluedevil - Belconnen dispelled rumors they had no heart by displaying their best football yet in coming back from 2-0 down to defeat the northern horde in the Belconnen Origin game last Sunday at Fortress McKellar. The previous week the Bluedevils had travelled down South to play the Scotsmen and left with third degree BURNS! It has become something of a phantom game, no match report exists, and those that played denied having ever been there. Such was the lollygagging capitulation many declared the Bluedevil dead but the resurrection was completed on the hallowed McKellar turf on Sunday as each player chewed the cud of the magical green, green grass before the game.

The resurrection had its origins earlier in the week at training when team mentor and Kaled refugee Peter ‘Dalek’ Dahl asked every player to search deep within themselves to take personal responsibility for some very ordinary performances lately. ‘Davros’ Dahl, not used to bouts of uncontrolled emotion, roused the boys with his rasping, metallic voice finishing off his clarion call with a rendition of Ave Maria, before trailing off for a long overdue haircut. Nigel ‘Ranter’ Tranter echoed the comments, imploring the boys to release their inner beast against Belnorth and display the type of aggression that had seen such committed early season performances. Post-match the Ranter was to take these words literally, much to the fright of his smooth-skinned team mates.

It was a serious Bluedevil outfit that took to the field and with good possession early on chances went begging, but at least chances had been created. The Belconnen defence had clicked, with Matty ‘The Bull’ Lapworth in devastating form, forwards spiraling out of control if they came too close to this defensive tornado. Ian ‘Fiddy’ Reeves played a strong and calm passing game at right back, with both left and right backs playing lovely balls into the midfield. And from midfield Matty ‘Kong’ Collins played the ball to “Silky’ Alf Cirino’s feet on at least three occasions, the great primate’s cognitive ability bringing a broad smile from Jane Goodall on the sidelines. All was well in the Bluedevil world until Belnorth gained a corner.

If one were to pick and point out the Bluedevil Achilles heal it is winning the ball in the air. The Bluedevil boys come from good, solid, thickset stock and with a low centre of gravity often find it hard to fly through the air. Not so the lanky Belnorth forward who rose above and headed the ball off the inside upright for a goal. The Wiggle tried to get a hand to the ball but it juggled off the post into the back of the net. 1-0 to the unclean horde and the loud, stinging sledges from the beer befuddled behemoth of Belnorth on the sidelines struck the Bluedevils like a heavy blow to the solar plexus from Killer Karl Cox.

More blows were to come when Dalek Dahl had his death ray unexpectedly fixed on stun rather than exterminate and a lone Belnorth forward headed towards goal. He was not in the least bit distracted by the rapidly approaching Wiggle loudly signing and dancing the Macarena and slipped the ball into the net. 2-0 to the North – but that particular forward would make no further contribution to the contest, the Wiggle had firmly planted the horrendous tune in the back of the forward’s mind, the painful look of anguish on his face revenge enough for his temerity to cross the Wiggle’s line.

The Bluedevils almost secured a penalty in the first half when recent recruit, the enigmatic Bruce ‘The Spruce Goose’ Reid bellyflopped to the ground after losing the ball. It was magnificent ham acting and Spruce was quickly signed up post-match for a season of pantomime in the Old Country.

Ten minutes to go before half time and the inner tube in Wiggle’s calf exploded. Pop goes the Wiggle! Hopping back into position he realized it was no use, and reluctantly left the field, half-heartedly and teary eye’d hopping his way through the Macarena moves. It would take a man of great courage to step into the goalie’s shoes and it was Nigel ‘Ranter’ Tranter who stepped up. He was to keep a clean sheet for the rest of the game.

At halftime, and with the team down 2-0, lesser teams would have succumbed to the demon of despair. But not the Bluedevils, for even though firecracker night had passed many weeks earlier ‘Veal’ O’Neil ensured rockets flew in every direction as the boys saw stars in the dressing shed. Out of the chaos one word brought order and comfort – INTENSITY. It was to be the catch-cry of the second half. Trev ‘The Enforcer’ Magee fresh from his star turn as Hando in the stage production of Romper Stomper stamped his authority at the back, Belnorth forwards wetting themselves as he grunted ‘This is not your home ground’. The Enforcer was ably assisted by Craig ‘Zoompah Loompha’ McConnell cleaning up any remaining mess. Every tackle was won, passes went to feet crisply and it looked only a matter of time before the Belconnen breakthrough.

It didn’t come though, and despite three strong chances from Craig ‘Rusty’ Ronaldo he couldn’t buy a goal (perhaps he had forgotten where he buried his money). Neither could Eddy ‘Supermatch’ Damico. Both missing clear opportunities in the Belnorth penalty area, giving strength to the raucous behemoth, who had to be sent from the sidelines to the stands by an increasingly impatient referee (and beast suspect). But the signs were there – the chances had been created and the Belnorth boys looked vulnerable. Moreso with the strategic move placing elderly Steve ‘I’m not really 50’ Holgate into the midfield. The Belconnen boys were hungry for success and it was feeding time!

All that was missing was a history of violence, and perhaps playing his best game of the season it was Yevgeni ‘Chris’ Denny, who provided the necessary aggression to take the Belconnen game to the next level. Receiving a pass in the Belnorth half from ‘Bull’ Lapworth he turned, and no doubt hearing the bench’s cry from the sidelines to shoot, he then and there launched a scud missile at the bone thin Belnorth keeper who was left with no chance. Yevgeni had single-handedly brought the Bluedevil boys back into the game. It was quickly followed by Supermatch’s heroics in the penalty area to gain a penalty after being viciously brought down by the keeper’s pinky toe. ‘Rusty Ronaldo’ stood up, faced his demons knowing he had the full support of the Bluedevil juggernaut behind him and punched the ball into the back of the net. 2-2 with ten minutes remaining!

The Bluedevil cause was not helped by a disturbingly familiar linesman repeatedly waving his flag for offsides. It was none other than the injured Jurgen ‘Doctor’ Dahl! And he wasn’t waving offside – he was gesticulating while talking to his better half on the phone! But the referee repeatedly interpreted the wild flag waving as offside. The semoriphic Dahl was promptly sent to Coventry for half an hour after the match. Luckily his phone conversation ended early as the ball dropped to the feet of Alan ‘The Golden Fleece’ Reis who had now measured the height and length required to chip the keeper and was successful on his third attempt. A beautiful goal, the Belconnen boys had come back and led the game 3-2. The score was not to change.

The post-match celebrations were spectacular – the taste of victory better than anything Justine from Master Chef, the Bluedevil muse, could produce. Indeed, so happy was Ranter Tranter with the team’s performance he felt confident enough to share with the boys his new Advanced Hair Studio buttock toupe. It was certainly a sight to behold, the waving locks swishing in the breezy dressing shed, and all agreed the $20,000 he had spent on it was worthwhile if it gave him increased confidence on the playing field. Indeed, some suggested the hairy buttock for the new team mascot. A competition to name the mascot will be held next week.